by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
