he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
