I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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