So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
