what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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