the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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