she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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