I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
