i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize