I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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