Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
