Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
COCAINE IS GR8
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize