I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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