You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
