Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
