i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
