And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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