Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize