I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Banned from zoo.
Again?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
