Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize