break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
