Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
