You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
