He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
