did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
