hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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