You really coming over, don't trick.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
