Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
