I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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