where am i from again
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
