So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
