love makes seman taste better
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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