Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
