I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
