Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
