Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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