So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
