Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize