love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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