Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
