I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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