Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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