hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she woke up with a sticky ear
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize