What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize