Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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