Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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