there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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