my mouth tastes like poor choices
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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