Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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