i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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