addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
