I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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