I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
