hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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