hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
