your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
