Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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