Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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