@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
