So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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