she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
