Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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