mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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