Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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