god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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