Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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