allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
