She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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