the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Found the puke drawer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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