Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
