so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
