I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
