At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
