Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
