I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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