she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
