i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There r osticjed everywhere
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
