well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
